The Pastor and the D-Word

Can a pastor be divorced? Yes, a pastor can be divorced. Many pastors are currently in the process or have been. Before we decide on whether or not that makes it "right," let's take a look at a deeper issue: The word "Pastor" itself.

Yes, the word does appear in the Bible in Ephesians 4:11: "And he gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as PASTORS and teachers."

This is the only place in Scripture where the word is actually used. Imagine! A single verse has come to define one incredibly significant, manmade office in every institutional church for 1700 years. Notice that the word used is the plural "Pastors" - NOT the singular "Pastor." Whoever these "Pastors" were, there were apparently more than one in The Church (I'm not referring to a building here). About this, author Richard Hanson says, "For the people who first used them, the titles of these offices can have meant little more than inspectors, older men and helpers ...it was when unsuitable theological significance began to be attached to them that the distortion of the concept of Christian ministry began."

The Greek word for"Pastors" is "poimen," meaning "shepherds" ("Pastor" is Latin for shepherd). "Pastor" actually describes the FUNCTION of an individual in The Church (again, I'm not referring to a building), NOT an office or a professional title. As the word implies, Shepherds provide nurture and care for God's sheep, loving them into maturity. Nowhere do we find their role defined in any way similar to that which describes the Catholic priests at the time of the Reformation: preaching, administering sacraments, praying for the flock, living a godly life, handling church discipline, church rites, caring for the poor, and visiting the sick. Protestant ministers can add to that list the praying over civic and community events like luncheons and 10K runs.

I've excerpted the following from Frank Viola's book "Pagan Christianity: The Origins of Our Modern Church Practices." Viola writes:

"The modern Pastorate rivals the functional Headship of Christ in His church. It illegitimately holds the unique place of centrality and headship among God's people. A place that is only reserved for one Person--the Lord Jesus. Jesus Christ is the only Head over a church and the final word to it. By his office, the Pastor displaces and supplants Christ's Headship by setting himself up as the church's human head.

"For this reason, nothing so hinders the fulfillment of God's eternal purpose as does the modern pastoral role. Why? Because that purpose is centered on making Christ's Headship visibly manifested in the church through the free, open, every-member functioning of the Body. As long as the pastoral office is present, you will never witness such a thing.

"It is "lonely at the top" because God never intended for anyone to be at the top--except His Son! In effect, the modern Pastor tries to shoulder the 58 NT "one another" exhortations all by himself. It is no wonder that most of them get crushed under the weight...The modern Pastor is the most unquestioned element in modern Christianity. Yet he does not have a strand of Scripture to support his existence nor a fig leaf to cover it!

"Rather, the modern Pastor was born out of the single-bishop-rule first spawned by Ignatius and Cyprian. The bishop evolved into the local presbyter. In the Middle Ages, the presbyter grew into the Catholic priest. During the Reformation, he was transformed into the "Preacher," "the Minister," and finally "the Pastor"--the man upon whom all of Protestantism hangs. To juice it all down to one sentence: The Protestant Pastor is nothing more than a slightly reformed Catholic priest..."

Viola adds, "At best, this text [Eph 4:11] is oblique. It offers absolutely no definition or description of who Pastors are. It simply mentions them. Regrettably, we have filled this word with our own Western concept of what a Pastor is. We have read the modern idea of the modern Pastor back into the New Testament. Never in the imagination of a hallucinating man would any first-century Christian conceive of the modern pastoral office! Catholics have made the same error with the word "priest." You can find the word "priest" used in the New Testament to refer to a Christian three times..."

EXPECTATIONS OF A MODERN PASTOR

Because the paid, full-time, vocational position of "pastor" in an organized institution cannot be found in Scripture, how can we apply Scripture to it...er...uh...I mean, him? Those gutsy individuals who willingly submit to the strain of the office are forced to undergo unfair scrutiny and an inappropriate standard of someone else's definition of righteousness. Their marriages and families, too, suffer terribly. The statistical evidence of the lives of Pastors and their families is dismal across denominational lines.

Sexual sin, marital breakdown, spousal neglect, spousal abuse, alcoholism, pornography, marital infidelity, misappropriation of funds, a lack of integrity, unbalanced ambitions, poor allocation of time and attention to responsibilities...Satan directs his relentless attacks at these Church leaders because, for those bent on destroying the greatest number of lives, like Samson of old, knock down the pillars first.

That is to say, those whom we have MADE into pillars.

Many in the Institutional Church ask if a divorced person should be permitted to serve as a pastor. The details of every situation are always critically important. In looking for a blanket answer, the danger exists of further mishandling Scripture and, subsequently, mistreating individuals. Frankly, how do we apply Scripture to an individual holding an unscriptural position in an unscriptural religious organization, something The Church was never intended to be?

That's ludicrous!

We DO have biblical grounds for divorce: adultery (Matt 19:9) and abandonment (1 Cor. 7:15) and they apply to ALL of us. This does not settle the question for many about pastors and divorce, but it does reveal that ANY Christian can be the innocent victim of a spouse's covenant-breaking sin. The biblical standards for the office of elder - which includes pastors (shepherds, overseers) - contain guidance about marriage. 1 Timothy 3:2-7 says "an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife." Titus 1:6 cites this same qualification.

Does this mean an overseer must never have been divorced? What if he was divorced before he became a Christian? What if he and his wife are emotionally divorced but physically living in the same home? Is the mere appearance of good in a bad situation any more weighty than the reality of perceived evil? Is that all we REALLY care about in the first place?

Did Paul's earlier persecution of The Church disqualify him from planting churches? The Bible does not say that an elder can never have been divorced, but that, if married, he must be faithful to that one wife. A long-past divorce should not bar a faithful, fruitful person from serving The Church in any context.

RELATIONSHIP BEFORE FUNCTION

Should a person be "above reproach"? If a man committed adultery and abandoned his family, will any amount of time make him above reproach in the ministry? Is any man beyond redemption from God? Aren't we ALL worthy of restoration? Cannot every human be transformed by the renewing of their minds?

This is why "Relationship before Function" is so important. Too often, a man is asked to serve in a traditional church office as deacon or elder, simply because he looks good, smells good, has a pretty wife and writes big checks. I sat in a congregation for over a year before I would even accept a position of Associate Minister. I CHOSE to do that, knowing that the immaturity of current, recognized leadership WANTED me to serve as an elder. When they did, I gave them references they never asked for and informed them of my own divorce many years earlier. I wanted to make sure it was GOD leading both parties to that decision, not merely their perception of my spirituality. I had served as a "layman" for over a year and assisted them in every way but NOT as an Associate Minister. When I did accept the position, we had a very productive, very fruitful, life-changing ministry. If a man was the innocent party of a long-ago divorce, as was my case, and has gained the respect of Christians and non-believers by his subsequent conduct, his divorce should not render him less than "above reproach."

In addition, 1 Timothy 3:4-5 says, "He must manage his own household well... for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?" It takes time and relationship to demonstrate marital and family management. How can we interview a man of God and get to know him based upon a resume?

Where does it say in God's Word that divorce disqualifies anyone from God's service? We're not talking about infidelity or adultery. We are talking about two people whose marital difficulties have reached the point where, for one of them at least, staying married is no longer seen as an option.

Paul's directions to Timothy are clear that an overseer must be the husband of one wife. But when my wife divorced me, how had I violated Paul's directives?

In Malachi, God said, "I hate divorce." Me, too! Marriage is like two pieces of paper glued together and pressed. Divorce is like trying to neatly peel those two pages apart. It's a mess. It rips and tears people asunder, even innocent bystanders.

I'll NEVER counsel for divorce. I believe God is well able and quite willing to restore those who are struggling in that most holy of relationships. But it takes faith. It takes two. It takes obedience and unconditional love. I WILL counsel for separation IF the purpose is for reconciliation with an agreed-upon schedule of counseling, with homework, church attendance, etc. Quite often, when a woman separates from her husband, it gets his attention, especially when kids are involved. Sadly, too many who are separating tend to start dating again. That's nothing but a lack of faith in action.

JESUS ON DIVORCE

Jesus was confronted one day by the Pharisees about the question of divorce and remarriage. The context of the passage, Matthew 19:3-9, the reason they continued to question Him, was NOT to learn whether or not a married couple could divorce. They already knew from God's declaration in Deuteronomy 24, the passage to which Jesus appealed, that they could. What the Pharisees were after was to trap Jesus on the question of whether or not divorced couples could, according to Scripture, remarry.

Jesus essentially said, "God's original plan never included divorce, but because your hearts are hard, he permitted it on the grounds of adultery. If the marriage is dissolved because of adultery, the innocent party may remarry without jeopardy."

God initially said a husband and wife should not get a divorce. But who initially allowed a husband and wife to get a divorce?

God.

Is there a contradiction there? Yes, but the contradiction is within us, NOT with God.

Is divorce wrong?

Of course, unless Jesus lied.

Does it disqualify an individual from God's blessings or service to the Kingdom?

No, because Jesus said, "Whoever comes to me in faith, I will never cast out.

Scripture does not say that a divorced person is disqualified from ministry. If there's any disqualification at all for pastoral ministry, it seems to come from remarriage which appears to contradict the Bible's directives. But even if that's true...for how long? What if the remarriage takes place after twenty years? Five years? Five months? I was remarried after 10 years. My wife had been divorced for ten, too. Long enough? It seems to have been, at least where God is concerned.

Anna Stanley, wife of Charles Stanley, Pastor of the 13,000 member First Baptist Church in Atlanta and In-Touch Ministries, divorced him after 3 years of living apart. They tried to reconcile but their efforts failed. He had initially stated that he would resign from being Pastor, based on his own understanding of Scripture. In time, he prayerfully reconsidered. He now believes that, only if he remarried, would he disqualify himself from pastoring. I hope he's hearing from God on that and not basing such a decision upon the traditions of men.

Imagine if Stanley DID step down. Would he stop speaking about Christ? Would others stop LISTENING and INVITING him to speak? Would people cease to seek him out for counsel? Would he stop writing books? Would he start a blog? Though he would not be overseeing an assembly of 13,000 Christians, whose to say his influence would not far exceed that, as has my own? Though he would not be able to put "Pastor" on his business card, who cares? His gifts would make room for him (Prov 18:16).

Yes, God hates divorce, but He LOVES those who GET divorced. He's looking for anyone who is willing to side with Him, serve the cause of Christ and advance the Kingdom. If it's an army of wounded healers, so be it. man may look only at the outside, but God, thankfully, is looking at the heart (1 Sam 16:7).

The Father forgives us. He knows we don't know what we're doing. But He knows we love Him, just a like any child who misbehaves and takes their parents for granted on occasion.

Every blessing,
Michael Tummillo
Founder, The Church @ Work (TCAW)