Are YOU being sexually tempted?

I was amazed last night when, during the local news, a survey was taken asking viewers if they ever felt tempted to have an affair. By a large majority, the answer was overwhelmingly “YES!”

In my lifetime, I have heard at least three men assert that it was “OK” for a married man to have a female as a best friend.

All three are divorced now.

Over the years, the Holy Spirit has revealed to me some “Manhood Tips” to be used during my interactions with people of the opposite sex. As a former Singles Pastor at a large church, I've taught many people what you're about to read. I believe God not only revealed these to me for my own good, but so that I could use these tips while discipling others.

With so many high-profile people making the headlines lately as a result of their sexual sins, I feel now's a good time to elaborate on this subject. I can not believe how much time is being spent on our so-called leaders' inability to keep their pants on.

Adultery. Extramarital affairs. Families torn apart. Hearts broken. Shameful!

You may not agree with everything you read here. All I can say is, “This has worked for me!” If we want something different than what we have, we must start doing something we haven't previously done.

Here we go:

SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE

Dating is a false environment. It's a job interview. Few people act like themselves on a date. Why would they? They want the job!

As Christians, we should be careful with our words and our actions. Supposedly, our mission is about advancing God's Kingdom. Sitting with another individual over a meal is a great way to share our testimony and edify the other individual as we dine. That IS our first order of business, isn't it? It should be. Unfortunately, far too many Christians do exactly what they observe the world doing, showering the other person with compliments, mixed with flirting, soft brushing of hands, and trying to impress with our own accomplishments. Ultimately, far too often, couples wind up alone, perhaps at one of their apartments, and a physical relationship begins, muddying the waters and eliminating anything spiritual as they bow to the carnal.

Sorry, older folks, but that's the standard procedure today.

Rather than gazing into each other's eyes, the whole world revolving around “US” while romantic music plays in the background, why not stand shoulder to shoulder as part of a warring army, our mission being all about “HIM” and His Kingdom?

How about getting to know one another while involved with a group and at public events where friends are present. It's called accountability. I can recall an evening when two singles knocked on our door. They said they were alone that night and thought it best to go pop-in on some friends.

Admirable.

COMPLIMENTS

Society says it's acceptable for people to pay a compliment to those of the other gender. Well, how's that working? There's a right and a wrong way to do everything. The Holy Spirit has shown me how, even though it's encouraging to be told your hairstyle looks nice or a dress is pretty, a better approach is to say “That's a pretty dress” rather than “Wow! You look hot!”

See the difference? Words are powerful, folks. Speak carefully.

CLOTHES CAPTIONED

Just because you may have it, does NOT mean you should flaunt it. Again, this simply is NOT working.

How are you dressing? From work-out clothes to business attire to swimwear, what is your motivation for wearing that? Whether it's your undergarments (or lack thereof), or the cologne you put on, ask yourself why – or for whom – you are doing so. Are you wearing that as unto the Lord? I admire how my wife will not wear anything that reveals too much. I appreciated a coworker who, whenever she was seated and I was standing, would lay her palm on her chest to obscure any revealing angles. She would do the same when she bent over to pick things up. I was grateful and all that more respectful of her for doing so. She was edifying me – strengthening my spiritual walk – and never even knew it.

David gazed at Bathsheba. Jesus taught, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

TOUCHY FEELY

Be careful little hands how you touch!

I'm amazed how touchy-feely some people are, and how often signals are mis-read. I'm a hugger, but I'm careful HOW I hug. Chest-to-chest hugs between the sexes are not encouraged. If a hug is necessary at all, an embrace with one arm around the shoulder is best. Kissing isn't really necessary among opposite sexes outside of marriage, sorry.

When it comes to eye-contact, be careful there, too. Body language can speak volumes.

If you're rolling your eyes at this point, all I can say to that is, “How's the alternative workin' for ya?” Folks, it's NOT!

DOING LUNCH

If lunch with another woman is absolutely necessary (it usually isn't), I do three things: Invite my wife, make sure it's OK with her, and let her know with whom and where. If the woman is married, I'll make sure her husband knows. Even when sending email to a married woman, I'll “CC” her spouse whenever possible. God showed me to do this through the example set by Dr. James Dobson, Billy Graham and Chuck Swindoll as well as a book entitled “Hedges.”

It works.

TRAVELING

I do everything I can to let my wife know when I'm leaving for someplace and when I arrive, no matter where I go. She does the same with me. It's not only about accountability, but it's about safety these days. If either of us were ever abducted, harmed, has car trouble or an accident on the road, we could tell Law Enforcement officials where our spouse was calling from and at what time.

KEEP THE HOMEFIRES BURNING

A person who's happy at home is less likely to allow anything to jeopardize that. This is where understanding your spouse's “Love Language” reaps dividends. Just because YOU like back rubs doesn't mean they wouldn't rather have a really bad poem you wrote. I love hot baths but, after several attempts, my wife finally admitted she can't stand them!

I suggest reading Gary Chapman's “5 Love Languages” together and, on occasion, attending a marriage conference together. Go on a weekly date! You have everything to GAIN by doing so. Building into your relationship is not unlike putting on the full armor of God.

Before you go thinking I'm perfect, let me explain to you what a soul-tie is. This is a sharing of one's mind, will and emotions. There are godly as well as ungodly soul-ties. We should discern good from bad and resist those that will not benefit anything but our emotions or our flesh for the moment. Before I knew any better, I was creating soul ties with women in the workplace for years, even after I was married. And it cost me.

Be careful out there. The nation is only as strong as The Church and The Church is only as strong as its families.

Infidelity is tearing us apart.

Every blessing,

Michael Tummillo

Founder, The Church @ Work