Are
YOU being sexually tempted?
I was amazed last night when, during
the local news, a survey was taken asking viewers if they ever felt
tempted to have an affair. By a large majority, the answer was overwhelmingly “YES!”
In my lifetime, I have heard at least
three men assert that it was “OK” for a married man to have a
female as a best friend.
All three are divorced now.
Over the years, the Holy Spirit has
revealed to me some “Manhood Tips” to be used during my
interactions with people of the opposite sex. As a former Singles
Pastor at a large church, I've taught many people what you're about
to read. I believe God not only revealed these to me for my own good,
but so that I could use these tips while discipling others.
With so many high-profile people making
the headlines lately as a result of their sexual sins, I feel now's a
good time to elaborate on this subject. I can not believe how much
time is being spent on our so-called leaders' inability to keep their
pants on.
Adultery. Extramarital affairs.
Families torn apart. Hearts broken. Shameful!
You may not agree with everything you
read here. All I can say is, “This has worked for me!” If we want
something different than what we have, we must start doing something
we haven't previously done.
Here we go:
SUCCESSFULLY SINGLE
Dating is a false environment. It's a
job interview. Few people act like themselves on a date. Why would
they? They want the job!
As Christians, we should be careful
with our words and our actions. Supposedly, our mission is about
advancing God's Kingdom. Sitting with another individual over a meal
is a great way to share our testimony and edify the other individual
as we dine. That IS our first order of business, isn't it? It should
be. Unfortunately, far too many Christians do exactly what they
observe the world doing, showering the other person with compliments,
mixed with flirting, soft brushing of hands, and trying to impress
with our own accomplishments. Ultimately, far too often, couples
wind up alone, perhaps at one of their apartments, and a physical
relationship begins, muddying the waters and eliminating anything
spiritual as they bow to the carnal.
Sorry, older folks, but that's the
standard procedure today.
Rather than gazing into each other's
eyes, the whole world revolving around “US” while romantic music
plays in the background, why not stand shoulder to shoulder as part
of a warring army, our mission being all about “HIM” and His
Kingdom?
How about getting to know one another
while involved with a group and at public events where friends are
present. It's called accountability. I can recall an evening when two
singles knocked on our door. They said they were alone that night and
thought it best to go pop-in on some friends.
Admirable.
COMPLIMENTS
Society says it's acceptable for people
to pay a compliment to those of the other gender. Well, how's that
working? There's a right and a wrong way to do everything. The Holy
Spirit has shown me how, even though it's encouraging to be told your
hairstyle looks nice or a dress is pretty, a better approach is to
say “That's a pretty dress” rather than “Wow! You look hot!”
See the difference? Words are powerful,
folks. Speak carefully.
CLOTHES CAPTIONED
Just because you may have it, does NOT
mean you should flaunt it. Again, this simply is NOT working.
How are you dressing? From work-out
clothes to business attire to swimwear, what is your motivation for
wearing that? Whether it's your undergarments (or lack thereof), or
the cologne you put on, ask yourself why – or for whom – you are
doing so. Are you wearing that as unto the Lord? I admire how my wife
will not wear anything that reveals too much. I appreciated a
coworker who, whenever she was seated and I was standing, would lay
her palm on her chest to obscure any revealing angles. She would do
the same when she bent over to pick things up. I was grateful and all
that more respectful of her for doing so. She was edifying me –
strengthening my spiritual walk – and never even knew it.
David gazed at Bathsheba. Jesus taught,
“You
have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I say
to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.”
TOUCHY FEELY
Be careful little hands how you touch!
I'm amazed how touchy-feely some people
are, and how often signals are mis-read. I'm a hugger, but I'm
careful HOW I hug. Chest-to-chest hugs between the sexes are not
encouraged. If a hug is necessary at all, an embrace with one arm
around the shoulder is best. Kissing isn't really necessary among
opposite sexes outside of marriage, sorry.
When it comes to eye-contact, be
careful there, too. Body language can speak volumes.
If you're rolling your eyes at this
point, all I can say to that is, “How's the alternative workin' for
ya?” Folks, it's NOT!
DOING LUNCH
If lunch with another woman is
absolutely necessary (it usually isn't), I do three things: Invite my
wife, make sure it's OK with her, and let her know with whom and
where. If the woman is married, I'll make sure her husband knows.
Even when sending email to a married woman, I'll “CC” her spouse
whenever possible. God showed me to do this through the example set
by Dr. James Dobson, Billy Graham and Chuck Swindoll as well as a
book entitled “Hedges.”
It works.
TRAVELING
I do everything I can to let my wife
know when I'm leaving for someplace and when I arrive, no matter
where I go. She does the same with me. It's not only about
accountability, but it's about safety these days. If either of us
were ever abducted, harmed, has car trouble or an accident on the
road, we could tell Law Enforcement officials where our spouse was
calling from and at what time.
KEEP THE HOMEFIRES BURNING
A person who's happy at home is less
likely to allow anything to jeopardize that. This is where
understanding your spouse's “Love Language” reaps dividends. Just
because YOU like back rubs doesn't mean they wouldn't rather have a
really bad poem you wrote. I love hot baths but, after several
attempts, my wife finally admitted she can't stand them!
I suggest reading Gary Chapman's “5
Love Languages” together and, on occasion, attending a marriage
conference together. Go on a weekly date! You have everything to GAIN
by doing so. Building into your relationship is not unlike putting on
the full armor of God.
Before you go thinking I'm perfect, let
me explain to you what a soul-tie is. This is a sharing of one's
mind, will and emotions. There are godly as well as ungodly
soul-ties. We should discern good from bad and resist those that will
not benefit anything but our emotions or our flesh for the moment.
Before I knew any better, I was creating soul ties with women in the
workplace for years, even after I was married. And it cost me.
Be careful out there. The nation is
only as strong as The Church and The Church is only as strong as its
families.
Infidelity is tearing us apart.
Every blessing,
Michael Tummillo
Founder, The Church @ Work